We last found 17 yr. old Karl on his way to Stockholm. He spent 4 years there. And that's all I know about his time in the big city. Pertinent indexed records don't start until 1860 and, given the number of individual parishes within Stockholm and the huge number of people moving in and out almost every day, finding him would be a monumental undertaking. I actually began the process and realized it required exponentially more time than I had to give.
Karl left Stockholm on 24 October 1848 at the age of 21. We find him in Aspö, a small parish 21 km from where his family was still living in Fogdö. He worked there for one year and relocated to Fogdö to live and work on a farm near his family.
Five years later, on 29 October 1854 Karl married Anna Harmolin. In keeping with the family tradition, Anna was 3 1/2 months pregnant when they married. All of these pre-marital pregnancies prompted me to do quite a bit more digging into the dating practices at the time. And what I uncovered I actually found fascinating.
Since all of my Swedish ancestors were landless peasants, it's hard to know if they were able to choose their own future marriage partner of if their parents participated in the long-held tradition of brokering the marriage, often without their children even knowing it was happening. In either case, marriages seldom occurred between two people from different economic classes. Similarity of wealth was the basis for marriage unions. Concerning parental controlled marriages, a typical interaction was described this way:
On such occasions the young people would gather together at the events and when night came they would sleep on the floor together. This was called to sleep in bundle or "syskonbädd." The Swedish term implies that sleeping together on the floor did not have the sexual connotation it would have today. This practice allowed the young people who were attracted to each other would have had an opportunity to get to know each other a little better. In some parts of Sweden, especially in the north where class differences and parents' influences on marriage were smaller, "bundling" was common, not only on special occasions but as the normal form of pre-marital contact with boys and girls.
On Saturday and Sunday evenings the unmarried boys gathered together and went around the farms visiting the girls in their homes. The girls, expecting the boys, let the boys in and went to bed. A short conversation at bedside followed and, after various couples were formed, the crown moved on, leaving a boy with each girl. The custom thus meant that a boy became a girl's bed-mate for some or all of the night. Their conduct was highly ritualized, and, though they lay in the same bed, they were fully-dressed. The night was spent talking and getting to know each other. If they liked each other, a firmer relationship could develop, leading to a proper proposal of marriage.
The custom of bundling did not mean that a boy and girl had sex the first night. It was a means for them to meet in private. On the other hand, when a couple found they were sexually attracted to each other, what did they think would happen? Once a couple became betrothed it was not unusual for a sexual relation to begin. Though conducted much later than when my ancestors were in Sweden, a 1911 survey revealed that over 70% of women who married in the areas where bundling was practiced were pregnant at their weddings compared to 30% of pregnant brides in the country as a whole. In the districts where sexual abstinence before marriage was emphasized the instances of out-of-wedlock pregnancies drops to practically nil.
Regardless of the mating practices, the church was strongly against pre-marital sex. In some areas it was a terrible disgrace for a bride to be pregnant on her wedding day. But because it happened frequently the church and the secular authorities had to compromise and accept pre-marital pregnancies as long as marriage was to follow.
Casual sex, where no marriage prospects were in sight, was not tolerated. A landowner's son who seduced a servant girl or a farmer's daughter who gave herself to a farmhand was subjected to severe ostracism and shunning, and it significantly lowered the chance they would ever find a marriage partner. Likewise, there was little tolerance when it came to unwed mothers and illegitimate children; however, the instances of that happening during the mid-nineteenth century were less than 10%.
It's also important to understand the engagement process. Even if the couple was able to decide for themselves that they wanted to marry, the prospective bride had absolutely no power when it came to decision making. The ultimate approval came from her father or guardian. If the bride's father had means a dowry would have to be agreed upon, and sometimes the prospective son-in-law's request would be more than the future bride's father was willing to part with, thus ending negotiations and leaving a young girl broken-hearted.
When both sides were in agreement, the local priest (usually in the bride's registered parish) would be notified. He would announce the "banns" during morning mass 3 Sundays in a row in an effort to discover any reasons the couple should not be married. After the 3rd banns was announced, provided nothing came to light prohibiting the marriage, the priest would issue the couple a "lysningsattest" or engagement certificate and the marriage could be performed anytime thereafter. It wasn't until 1969 that the practice of banns became legally optional. Once a couple became officially engaged it constituted a legal contract, the breaking of which could have serious repercussions, especially if the woman had become pregnant during the period of betrothal.
Because it took significant time to gather and acquire all the items necessary to set up a household, a man's average age at a first marriage was 27 and a woman's was 25. The landless peasants were hard-pressed to acquire enough goods to start married life so they would rely on the generosity of others. In some parts of the country women would make the bridal round or "fästmögången" by going to local homesteads and "begging" for contributions to their new households. The usual gifts were often wool and linen. In certain areas of Sweden there was a male equivalent to this called seed begging or "sädestiggeriet." This type of begging was accepted by society since it was done with the intention of facilitating the formation of a household for the landless people who lacked dowries and wedding gifts.
A 19th century Swedish wedding would usually be held at the local parish church. The bride traditionally wore a 2-piece black dress with a white collar. She also wore a headdress or bridal crown, with or without a veil. She usually made her own wedding clothes and they would be considered to be her finest garments. Sometimes they would be passed down from one generation to the next or they may not be worn again until she would be buried in them. She would also wear her hair down for the very last time on her wedding day. A married woman had a higher social status than an unmarried woman, so as a rite of passage, the headdress of a married woman would be put on her head during the wedding ceremony. The headdress might be a hat, bonnet, or kerchief. The groom would wear a black suit, white shirt, bow tie, and possibly white gloves.
The bride's family would welcome all the guests to the church. The bride would not be "given away" by her father, but, rather, the couple would enter the church and walk down the aisle together to the altar to be married by the priest.
Following the ceremony would be as elaborate a smörgåsbord as the wedding couple or bride's parents could afford. The wedding guests were often quite numerous - sometimes in the hundreds - and the party could last from 3 days to as long as a week. Weddings were most often held after the last harvest of the season so families and attendees would not suffer significant lost wages. The cost of the food was generally shared among all who attended. Food and drink could be brought or sent in advance. Each district had strict rules with regard to how much food and drink each guest had to provide, but the general requirement was bread, butter, and cheese. It was also common to send malt in advance of the event to be used in brewing beer for the smörgåsbord. Historian Eva Wigström described a wedding smörgåsbord this way:
So let's see if the few things we do know about Karl and Anna's engagement and marriage fit within the norm:
1 - Karl was 27 and Anna was 24 - check
2 - They were married in Anna's parish of Helgarö - check
3 - The date of their engagement was recorded by the priest as 24 September 1854, approximately four weeks before they were married. This gave the priest the required three Sundays to make the necessary announcements - check
4 - They were married on October 29th which would be after the last harvest of the year - check
And a couple points of speculation:
1 - I doubt they had the time and money to fashion the giant meat tray, but hopefully they provided their guests with a very nice spread.
2 - The fact that she was pregnant on her wedding day is probably in keeping with the majority of the other prospective brides at that time and in that particular region of Sweden.
For the record, I don't have a problem with her pre-wedding day pregnancy - at all.
As long as it was 100% consensual.
And that, unfortunately, is something we'll never know.
(By the way, more about 19th century marriage practices in Sweden can be found here, here, and here.)
Since all of my Swedish ancestors were landless peasants, it's hard to know if they were able to choose their own future marriage partner of if their parents participated in the long-held tradition of brokering the marriage, often without their children even knowing it was happening. In either case, marriages seldom occurred between two people from different economic classes. Similarity of wealth was the basis for marriage unions. Concerning parental controlled marriages, a typical interaction was described this way:
Even in cases where the influence of parents on the children's choice of marriage partner was very large, it was unlikely that a couple got married without ever having met before. Young people met both at work as servants and in groups when not at work. On Sundays they all attended church together. On Saturday and Sunday evenings social get-togethers and dances were organized, especially during the summer months when it was possible to be outdoors. Young people also met in the market squares of the towns and villages, at the annual spring and autumn fairs, and at other festive occasions. They would also meet at occasions when families gathered together for multi-day weddings and funerals.On a Sunday the father of a child of marriageable age took the father or guardian of the potential marriage partner aside and together they shared drinks from a bottle of schnapps. No attempt to discuss a possible marriage was made. If several Sundays passed without a reciprocal event it was concluded that "the fish had not taken the hook". If, however, the other party came the following Sunday bearing similar refreshment the fathers would again share drinks with still no mention of marriage. It was now in the hands of the womenfolk. On the next Sunday, the wife of the initiator would bake bread with pretzels and wafers which she took to church to offer the wife of the other man. If this was reciprocated with similar fare on the following Sunday there were good prospects in sight that a marriage could be arranged. It was then that the initiator would carry his hip-flask to church and again approach the other. "The boil finally burst" as the two men again shared drinks. One of the fathers would begin with, "So brother, let's have it done with. I shall begin by telling you what my wife and I have discussed during the long winter nights. We have on both sides, you and I, marriageable children. Would you consider taking my son as a son-in-law at your place or would you like your daughter to move in with us? We have good accommodation in both places that the young will find comfortable." The other would answer, "How strange that we in both places should have such similar thoughts. My wife and I have discussed the matter at some length. I thank you for the offer. I can assure you that when I get home and tell my wife about it she will clap her hands with joy that everything has gone like we thought and talked about." Then the latter would produce his hip-flask and they would again take a swig to confirm the proposal. Finally one would say to the other, "When we get home we shall tell our children about this, but otherwise remain silent in the meantime." Since the congregation would notice that certain persons approached each other and stood aside and talked they could guess right away that it was a matter of marriage. Thus, the general public got to know about the union before the marriage partners themselves.
On such occasions the young people would gather together at the events and when night came they would sleep on the floor together. This was called to sleep in bundle or "syskonbädd." The Swedish term implies that sleeping together on the floor did not have the sexual connotation it would have today. This practice allowed the young people who were attracted to each other would have had an opportunity to get to know each other a little better. In some parts of Sweden, especially in the north where class differences and parents' influences on marriage were smaller, "bundling" was common, not only on special occasions but as the normal form of pre-marital contact with boys and girls.
On Saturday and Sunday evenings the unmarried boys gathered together and went around the farms visiting the girls in their homes. The girls, expecting the boys, let the boys in and went to bed. A short conversation at bedside followed and, after various couples were formed, the crown moved on, leaving a boy with each girl. The custom thus meant that a boy became a girl's bed-mate for some or all of the night. Their conduct was highly ritualized, and, though they lay in the same bed, they were fully-dressed. The night was spent talking and getting to know each other. If they liked each other, a firmer relationship could develop, leading to a proper proposal of marriage.
The custom of bundling did not mean that a boy and girl had sex the first night. It was a means for them to meet in private. On the other hand, when a couple found they were sexually attracted to each other, what did they think would happen? Once a couple became betrothed it was not unusual for a sexual relation to begin. Though conducted much later than when my ancestors were in Sweden, a 1911 survey revealed that over 70% of women who married in the areas where bundling was practiced were pregnant at their weddings compared to 30% of pregnant brides in the country as a whole. In the districts where sexual abstinence before marriage was emphasized the instances of out-of-wedlock pregnancies drops to practically nil.
Regardless of the mating practices, the church was strongly against pre-marital sex. In some areas it was a terrible disgrace for a bride to be pregnant on her wedding day. But because it happened frequently the church and the secular authorities had to compromise and accept pre-marital pregnancies as long as marriage was to follow.
Casual sex, where no marriage prospects were in sight, was not tolerated. A landowner's son who seduced a servant girl or a farmer's daughter who gave herself to a farmhand was subjected to severe ostracism and shunning, and it significantly lowered the chance they would ever find a marriage partner. Likewise, there was little tolerance when it came to unwed mothers and illegitimate children; however, the instances of that happening during the mid-nineteenth century were less than 10%.
It's also important to understand the engagement process. Even if the couple was able to decide for themselves that they wanted to marry, the prospective bride had absolutely no power when it came to decision making. The ultimate approval came from her father or guardian. If the bride's father had means a dowry would have to be agreed upon, and sometimes the prospective son-in-law's request would be more than the future bride's father was willing to part with, thus ending negotiations and leaving a young girl broken-hearted.
When both sides were in agreement, the local priest (usually in the bride's registered parish) would be notified. He would announce the "banns" during morning mass 3 Sundays in a row in an effort to discover any reasons the couple should not be married. After the 3rd banns was announced, provided nothing came to light prohibiting the marriage, the priest would issue the couple a "lysningsattest" or engagement certificate and the marriage could be performed anytime thereafter. It wasn't until 1969 that the practice of banns became legally optional. Once a couple became officially engaged it constituted a legal contract, the breaking of which could have serious repercussions, especially if the woman had become pregnant during the period of betrothal.
Because it took significant time to gather and acquire all the items necessary to set up a household, a man's average age at a first marriage was 27 and a woman's was 25. The landless peasants were hard-pressed to acquire enough goods to start married life so they would rely on the generosity of others. In some parts of the country women would make the bridal round or "fästmögången" by going to local homesteads and "begging" for contributions to their new households. The usual gifts were often wool and linen. In certain areas of Sweden there was a male equivalent to this called seed begging or "sädestiggeriet." This type of begging was accepted by society since it was done with the intention of facilitating the formation of a household for the landless people who lacked dowries and wedding gifts.
A 19th century Swedish wedding would usually be held at the local parish church. The bride traditionally wore a 2-piece black dress with a white collar. She also wore a headdress or bridal crown, with or without a veil. She usually made her own wedding clothes and they would be considered to be her finest garments. Sometimes they would be passed down from one generation to the next or they may not be worn again until she would be buried in them. She would also wear her hair down for the very last time on her wedding day. A married woman had a higher social status than an unmarried woman, so as a rite of passage, the headdress of a married woman would be put on her head during the wedding ceremony. The headdress might be a hat, bonnet, or kerchief. The groom would wear a black suit, white shirt, bow tie, and possibly white gloves.
The bride's family would welcome all the guests to the church. The bride would not be "given away" by her father, but, rather, the couple would enter the church and walk down the aisle together to the altar to be married by the priest.
Following the ceremony would be as elaborate a smörgåsbord as the wedding couple or bride's parents could afford. The wedding guests were often quite numerous - sometimes in the hundreds - and the party could last from 3 days to as long as a week. Weddings were most often held after the last harvest of the season so families and attendees would not suffer significant lost wages. The cost of the food was generally shared among all who attended. Food and drink could be brought or sent in advance. Each district had strict rules with regard to how much food and drink each guest had to provide, but the general requirement was bread, butter, and cheese. It was also common to send malt in advance of the event to be used in brewing beer for the smörgåsbord. Historian Eva Wigström described a wedding smörgåsbord this way:
It was common for the guests to bring additional wedding gifts and also contribute to the cost of the musicians, maids, cooks, etc."Ham, salted or smoked, was boiled or baked together with a large piece of salted beef; a whole salt, prune-filled goose; two fresh suckling pigs; and two hens, ducks, or chickens. All of these, and at times even more, were put in a large grill pan of shining tin and great practice was needed to manage to arrange this pyramid in a proper way since everything was boiling hot. The large, even joints were put in the bottom, and, to fill the spaces beside the solitary goose, one had to put in a veal or mutton leg in case one was not fortunate enough to have two geese. On this base, the pigs were laid beautifully on their knees and bore the weight of the chickens above them. The whole was supported with meat forks and such like until it was cold and was so well put together that it could be transported without damage. The visible bones of the ham, goose, and chickens were decorated with white, crisp paper and a garland of long wheat rusks held together with strong thread, surrounding the whole like a fringe. This roast and a couple of the thick rye wheat breads were called simple or half 'förning'. To make this a whole 'förning' required a sponge cake, baked with two score eggs, sugar, and wheatflour, sweat but still dry as sawdust, as well as sixty to seventy almond patties and wafers or crullers. These cakes on their own made up a simple 'förning'."
So let's see if the few things we do know about Karl and Anna's engagement and marriage fit within the norm:
1 - Karl was 27 and Anna was 24 - check
2 - They were married in Anna's parish of Helgarö - check
3 - The date of their engagement was recorded by the priest as 24 September 1854, approximately four weeks before they were married. This gave the priest the required three Sundays to make the necessary announcements - check
4 - They were married on October 29th which would be after the last harvest of the year - check
And a couple points of speculation:
1 - I doubt they had the time and money to fashion the giant meat tray, but hopefully they provided their guests with a very nice spread.
2 - The fact that she was pregnant on her wedding day is probably in keeping with the majority of the other prospective brides at that time and in that particular region of Sweden.
For the record, I don't have a problem with her pre-wedding day pregnancy - at all.
As long as it was 100% consensual.
And that, unfortunately, is something we'll never know.
(By the way, more about 19th century marriage practices in Sweden can be found here, here, and here.)
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